|I thought it was too harsh to ask for one of these.|
Please have the following placed in my dressing-room. There will be no need to provide a butler, as my own will be in attendance.
He is trained in the arcane rites required to perform transgressive fibrillation, and will accompany me on the pandemonium.
I will, however, need the following items:
Protective wear for low-hanging fruit;
A pogo stick that goes on water;
A transmodal interlineator;
A bellwether predictor;
A combined hat and flea trap;
A Tortellini-to-English translator;
An automated cabbage fulminator;
A reliable hypotenuse trimmer;
A recipe for dandelion gin;
Transparent socks for obsessive nelipots;
A robotic pomposity defenestrator;
A robust dephlogisticator;
A post-ballistic camel;
A pre-ordained vicar;
A rigged thimble;
A horse-drawn bicycle;
A horse-drawn bicycle pump;
A granularity-chunking device;
A teabag anemometer;
A ketchup bombilator;
A less lewd-sounding term for futtocks;
A clockwork spooneriser;
A fire-proof umbrella;
A portable bridge with troll gates;
A working anapest filter;
A spatterdash for spiders;
A list of words stressed on the preantepenultimate;
A tool for culminating beans;
Clear copyright to the title 'Of Meissen Men';
An aeolian pantechnicon;
A one-dimensional tesseract;
A landing ground for flying tortoises;
A spandrel inculcating box;
A tested recipe for ice cream soup;
A device for straining at gnats;
A transcript of the verdict in Jarndyce v. Jarndyce;
A reliable beater for paths in woods;
A brown paper bag infatuator;
A jar for storing potentiated rosewater; and
A less cruel substitute for newt's eyes in the 'Pharmacopoeia Maleficarum'.
As an afterthought, the pandemonium is probably too heavy for easy manual delivery. Please have a large hole (23 metres by 4 metres) opened in the ceiling so the instrument can be lowered into position.
Alternatively, a cup of tea would be nice.
We had fun at the gig. Here's Toni Brisland wowing them.
And here are the assembled megastars
|Me, Tony Flowers, Toni Brisland, Felicity Pulman.|
They gave us all chocolates.